In the end I am alone, we all are. I have to decide things for myself and forget about what my parents, my friends and society thinks of my choices every now and then. It seems like everything goes so naturally for everyone else. I ask myself if they have ever doubted this much when they decided to do the things they do, if they are as afraid to regret something as I am. Every time someone asks me why, I try to convince them why I made these choices or why I am going to make them. In the end, the only one I have to convince is myself, but I can’t. The fact that there really is no way back to how everything was, scares me. I often wonder if I am going to miss that dreaded routine and how well I can take stepping out of it.
I’m also kind of over Lana Del Rey (I still like ‘blue jeans’ and ‘video games’ but her new stuff is shitty) and super minimalistic all white anti-fashion fashion (please stop dressing as if you just walked out of a hospital).
I guess I stopped caring about a lot of things when I turned 18. Sometimes I do think it’s sad that I am not really interested in certain things anymore right now, but then when I try to get back into my old interests it bores me and I can’t stop thinking: what makes me happier, a funny story from a night out with friends or an arty instagram picture with a lot of likes from people I never even met? Whatever you do online isn’t really worth anything if you don’t benefit from it in real life. The only people online that matter are the friends you keep in touch with when they’re far away and the online friends that turned into real life friends.
Theme Designed by closer.